What a waste

Today was a complete and total waste of my time. I was at court bright and early at 7:45 am. At 11:30 they came out and said they wont be able to see us and to come back at 1:30 so in other words, Lunch break. Come back at 1:30 and I don't get called back until 3:30! I'm so thankful that my mom was there and offered to take Sam and Jr home with her while Shawn and I stayed and waited. I finally get in and the judge is like who are you, where is Steve. I'm like I am his wife, it's my name that appears on the motion that was scheduled for court. In a matter of two minutes he managed to make me feel like a tiny little mouse. He made me feel stupid and totally depressed that no matter what he was going to deny my motion. He said plain and simple we make "too much money" according to their guidelines. BTW we only make about 350 more then their guidelines and imo their guidelines are shit. It's so hard to make due here in California and especially for a family of five with two in diapers.
I walked out of the courtroom and just burst into tears. I had such high hopes that I would walk in and they would dismiss it based on what a load of shit this whole thing is or they would say oh your case was already dismissed. So now we wait for a hearing date. Honestly I don't get it. We have so many things on our side but I couldn't even get a word in with the judge to discuss it. But then again I don't think it was the time to bring it up. I'm just worried what is going to happen since I can't afford to pay them the 200 fee that we now owe for filing a response, and possibly an extra 200 since we had to file separately. I would go into a rampage right now on how much I despise Ian but I will spare any readers.

Court

Just a little update. I have to go to court tomorrow morning. This is for the fee waiver I filed because well I just can't afford $200 to file a response for both Steve and I. Shit I can't even afford the one fee. Anyways so that is why I will be at court tomorrow. Please if anyone reads this can you keep me in your thoughts for a positive outcome. I'm hoping and praying the case was dismissed because we no longer live in the residence and then I wont have to pay the fees and if that's the case I want to see if they will do a motion to reverse the decision on Steve's application because they denied it :( So that is best case scenario.
I'm very nervous. I've never been to court before and this is very emotional for me because this is Ian who is doing this to me and my family. So yeah again if anyone reads this would you please keep me in your thoughts. I'll update when I get home tomorrow.

Sad

I don't know what's wrong with me. It started yesterday. I feel depressed but without all the signs. I'm kind of bummed throughout the day and I have completely lost my appetite. I haven't eaten but a couple chips and cantaloupe since Friday night. All I want is Steve to hold me. Nothing else. I want a break from screaming and crying kids and to just be held by Steve. When I'm in his arms I feel safe and like nothing can go wrong. He;s my rock always has been and always will be. Last night he said I was following him around like a little puppy dog and I was. I don't think I've ever felt this way before and I know I'm not explaining it all right or all of how I feel. I can't really put it into words. Not sure why.
Okay well I doubt any of this post made any sense so I'm going to go get ready for my day.

Our new home

We are here. We were moving in the house until the wee hours of the morning. When Steve and I finally crawled into bed it was after 4 am and between Samantha and Jr waking up and then Shawn at 5:30 neither of us actually managed to fall asleep. So I am running off of zero. Steve just went and dropped the trailer off and it now taking a nap.

Okay I didn't get to finish this entry. See what happens when you get no sleep. You forget everything. Now it's August 2nd and we are settling in nicely to our new home. We aren't having any sleeping issues with Jr. Can you say hallelujah! We've had sleeping issues with him since he was a year old. I'm so happy he will now go to bed with just us saying good night to him. No fighting or screaming, it's awesome. Sam also is doing great going to bed here and well of course Shawn has no problems. We ended up storing a bunch f our stuff at my parents because, well I'm a pack rat and downsizing to this place there was just no room for it. Eventually we will go through all of it and trash what we don't need. This is a short entry because we are actually on our way out the door to go to my parents house. We've been spending a lot of time over there again. The kids love it there. Here's a couple more recent pictures of my babies.

The day has come

Today is moving day! Happy joy. I am so happy to be out of this house but hate that we are moving once again. I hate moving. I do EVERYTHING! Even now with three kids I am the only one who has packed in this house. btw I find this extremely unfair. Steve's dad is coming out today to help and I hate that he is coming here and the house is a disaster and not completely packed up. I have done a good job and it is for the most part done but not completely. It's hard packing a whole house by yourself along with three kids, one of them who is nursing and has had bad gas a lot this week. I guess Steve's cousin is also coming out later to help but that's not until late afternoon. As we speak my moms car is loaded to the brim with stuff to be brought over to the house, Steve said he would do it and he didn't. If I go do it I can only bring Shawn because I have stuff loaded on the other kids carseats and Steve is still asleep so I can't do anything right now. Ugh, I'm frustrated already.
Okay off to go finish packing the house and start this move.

A new day, another tantrum

Jr was beyond cranky all day yesterday. I was really hoping after all the talking we did with him that it would be a better day. Well here were are 1pm and he is in his room crying and saying I hate this, I hate that. I am making him take a nap hoping that will help with his moodiness. He also has a horrible habit of hitting himself in the head. I HATE that he does it. He doesn't do it softly either, that's another thing I don't know how to break him of. I think he gets that part of his temper from his father. I sure as hell have never done anything like that.
I forgot to write about Shawn's appointment yesterday. It went good. She retied the skin tag, she said she did it differently hoping it would stay on. Well I changed his diaper and it was off this morning so now we just have to wait for him to grow older and keep our fingers crossed that the tag eventually goes away. I'm not happy about that but I have no other choice now. Oh and the Dr was shocked that his old ped didn't have a newborn screening done. I told her I asked him for it and he said it wasn't necessary so we have to get the blood work done today, not looking forward to that and we are waiting to hear back from our insurance and the hearing test.

Okay enough rambling. I have a million things to do today and no time to do any of it!

Wow

Okay, so I am lame. I did one post and completely forgot about this place. UPDATE! Baby number three is here. We had a boy, Shawn Matthew :) He is just the perfect little man. He was born 05/30/08, weighing in at 8lb 8oz (my biggest!) and was 21 1/4 inches long. I had him at home, it was the most wonderful experience being in my own comfortable surroundings. If we were having more kids I would totally do it again. When Shawn was 3 weeks old we found out he had Pyloric Stenosis. It's the pyloris valve which leads to the intestines was closed therefore he wasn't able to keep anything down and wasn't gaining weight. He had surgery on June 22nd to correct it and the surgery was a success. He has reflux now so were still dealing with the spitting up but I can handle that just no more surgeries. Jr is being your typical four year old. Full of energy and spirit, loves to argue and doesn't listen to mommy. He is the greatest big brother though to both the younger two kids. Samantha is is too funny. She has just started walking full time, yes I did say just. She became a full time walker at 19 months....lol. I knew my silly girl was on her own schedule. She loves playing mommy to baby Shawn. She tries to change his diapers and gives him kisses and hugs all day long and when he's crying she comes over and tries to get him to calm down, it's so freakign cute. And she is totally a little princess and daddy's girl. Steve and I are doing good. Dealing with what life throws us. Were actually moving this weekend. Yes I know again. We are staying at this new place for at least a year though. I wont go into all the details of why were moving but I will say Ian is no longer someone we ever want to deal with again. Um well I think that's a long enough update. I will try and remember to update more often then every 6 months....lol

Here are a few pics of my babies