Merry Christmas

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas this year. I can't wait to spend the day with my family.

The Diagnosis

Well they said that Steve's liver enzymes were slightly elevated and so was his hemoglobin. They also said there is some kind of obstruction in one of his lungs. And that's all I know. He has an appointment this Thursday to get an u/s of his heart because of his palpitations. But as for any kind of treatment or anything they didn't say anything. I don't like this not knowing what to do shit. I'm guessing it was just written off because he's "getting older". I don't know but when the new year hits and we switch insurances he's going to see a Dr at Kaiser and see what they say.

Blah Blah Blah

Monday is here, yay. I know it's not a yay for most people but Steve is off on Mondays so it's yay for me. Steve has been sick but he's been getting a horrible pain in his chest. He went to the Dr today. A lot of help they were. They took x-rays and blood tests but gave him no answers as to what could be wrong or if he has a virus. Nothing. That pisses me off. He's worried. He thinks something is wrong. Now my husband can be a bit of a hypocondriact but I still don't like seeing him worried.
My oldest baby is going to be FIVE in 5 days, ack. How did it go by so quickly??? The boy knows how to push my buttons but I love him so much. I am so glad and honored to have him as my son. He is a very good boy and loves his family. I say this and he and Samantha are playing and all I hear is giggles :)
We still have a bit of the sickies over here. The kids still have coughs but that's it. It sucks cause all they want to do is play but the more they play the more they cough and then have problems breathing. Have you ever tried to get a two year old and a five year old to stop playing and having fun??? Not easy!
Okay gotta run and give baths. Samantha is covered in spaghetti sauce.

This weekend

Has been about the kids. Last night I took them to the Annual Lighting Ceremony in downtown Lancaster. They lit all the lights that were lining the street and two little Christmas trees. There was caroling and a marionette show and face painting, and of course hot chocolate and cookies.
Then today I took them to the parade. Also in downtown Lancaster. We all had a good time. Here's a couple pics. I didn't get many last night because I was taking turns between holding Shawn and Samantha.



This first set is from the parade this morning.
The last three are from the puppet show. See the little blond kid with the green sweater, that's Jr...lol

For a good cause

This was brought to my attention by Amanda. I think this is for a wonderful cause so I wanted to share and tell everyone to go check it out.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Here's my pic for Wordless Wednesday :)

Tackle it Tuesday

Not the traditional tackling it Tuesday, but my mission is to stay healthy. All three kids are sick and so is Steve and I feel it trying to make me sick but I'm not going to let it! I started taking emergen c cause it's the only thing I know I can take. Come on immune system, don't fail me now!

The sickies

Have hit my house full blown, again! Shawn has been sick for a week now, Sam followed four days later and Jr yesterday. All running temps from 100-103. And Samantha has thrown up a couple times. Not a lot, I think from the excess mucous. And now Steve is sick. So far I'm the only healthy one (knock on wood) which leaves me to take care of everyone. It's been a rough week cause Shawns coughing is worse at night. So any get well vibes anyone wants to share we would love some :)
Thanksgiving was nice. We went over to my bil Paul's parent house. They are just the nicest people ever. So welcoming and loving. They loved seeing the kids. We haven't seen them in over two years so it was their first time seeing Samantha and Shawn. We had a really fun visit with my sil Heather and bil Paul. Makes me miss living right down the street from them. Maybe one of these years we'll be able to live near each other again.


----------------
Now playing: Sevendust - Rumble Fish
via FoxyTunes

To my baby girl

Happy Birthday my little princess! I can't believe you are two years old already. I swear it seems like yesterday I found out I was pregnant with you. I have always wanted a little princess and I got her! You are such the princess. You are mischievous little thing too but all you have to do is give us one look and it just melts our hearts. I love watching you with your daddy. Seeing that special father daughter bond that is so important in a little girls life. It just makes me wanna cry (happy cry of course) watching the love shared between you two. I love how you are a very independent little girl but you are also such the mommies little girl. You have such a fun personality I don't think a day goes by that you don't make me laugh. I also love watching you with your brothers. You look up to Jr so much and follow him around like a puppy dog sometimes. It's so cute. And I love that you are such the little mommy to Shawn. You like to help me get him dressed and change his diaper and love holding him. It's absolutely adorable. I couldn't have asked for a better daughter and I can't wait to watch you grow into a wonderful woman.
I love you my little Mantha Pantha and always will!
Mommy

Boo

My baby girls birthday is tomorrow and she is running a 102 temp :( Only positive is it will be a day of cuddles. I'm going to go into her room at 12:01 and take a pic of her sleeping. So I'll be back later to post that.

Rough night

Man last night sucked! Shawn wouldn't sleep for anything. He would cry and cry and I don't know why. He didn't want to nurse, half the time he just wanted me to hold him the other half he didn't. I would finally get him calmed down and back asleep only to have him wake back up in 20-40 minutes. This went on all night until about 5 this morning. He was sick and had a temp for two days but he hasn't had one since yesterday. I don't know what was wrong. I finally got him to go to sleep about 20 minutes ago but he's just not acting like himself :(

----------------
Now playing: Deviates - One Day
via FoxyTunes

Today

Was Jr's soccer party. All the kids had a fun time. Who wouldn't, pizza, cup cakes and games. All three kids are sitting on the couch and Jr and Sam look about ready to pass out. They're so cute. On Monday we have Jr's award ceremony. That's going to be so cute seeing all the little kids getting their trophy's. And gosh dangit I freaking forgot my camera! Me of all people had no camera. Pick your jaws up off the floor. It happens occasionally. But I WILL NOT forget it for the awards. Okay off to get a really cranky little girl to bed.

Season of giving

Wanted to help spread the word about Robeez Season of Giving.

http://seasonofgiving. robeez. com/

Gosh dangit

Man, I think I'm getting sick now. I just started feeling it about 10-15 minutes ago. I'm completely stuffed up. So now we have a sick mama and her two sick babies :( waaaah

----------------
Now playing: Hole - Violet
via FoxyTunes

Brrrrrrrr

It's cold in here, there must be something in the atmosphere...lol Name that quote!

Ok it's not really cold in here but it is outside. So glad I don't have to go anywhere today especially since I have no idea where any of my warmer clothes are.
Little update on our household. Samantha and Shawn are sick. They go in and out of being happy and cranky which I totally understand. Shawn is having troubles nursing because he's so congested :( Poor baby.
Steve, Jr and I are not sick. Steve is still recovering. He did his normal shift, light duty of course. He is still sore from time to time but man he needs to hurry up and heal cause I need to get me some lovin...lol
Other then that things are same same over here.

----------------
Now playing: Paradise Lost - Shades of God
via FoxyTunes

Our Halloween

We had such a fun night. Steve had to work which sucks, the kids and I missed him :(

The kids and I went over to my parents house and my friend Tiffany came over with her bf and two kids. We all (my family, Kyla's family, my mom and Tiffany's family) went out t.o.t. together. We went to the track homes across the street. At first there was like no one there but after a while the streets started to fill up. Everyone loved the kids costumes. We got a lot of awwwww's for Samantha. Shawn spent most of his time either in the stroller or or in the baby hawk. Oh Jr was dressed as a fireman, Samantha as a flower fairy and Shawn as a polar bear. Jr of course loved t.o.t. and was totally on the ball this year. He knew exactly what to do. Samantha also got the hang of it pretty quick. After the first house her expression was so cute, like wow all I have to do is go to people's doors and I get all this candy....lol When we were almost done, about three houses left Samantha started saying "Twick Tweet" at the doors, so flippin cute.
Okay enough rambling, here's a link to some pics if anyone is interested.
http://aerowrench.smugmug.com/gallery/6424862_MccAW/1/407493834_kUSDz


----------------
Now playing: Bad Religion - The Grand Delusion
via FoxyTunes

All done

We are officially not having anymore kids. Steve went in on Monday and got snipped. So we are complete as a family of five. I'm wondering if this is even a topic I should be sharing about...lol
Okay, I'll stop and post about something else later or tomorrow

Tired

I know we haven't been busy but I feel like we have been. Yesterday we brought over bratts, turkey sausage and turkey dogs to bbq at my parents. I made a mac and cheese casserole and baked beans. And fed my dad and sister. Then today we went over there and brought pizza. We also went to the library today to get some specific books and of course they didn't have the one's I wanted :( But Steve and the kids got books. And bad bad mommy and daddy. I cannot believe we freaking forgot all about Jr's soccer practice! I've never done that before. I feel so bad.
Okay random, Jr just told Steve that he wants mommy and daddy to go to bed so he can pay for stuff on the video game...lol
Anywho, so yeah I feel tired like we've been doing a bunch but we really haven't. We had our car fixed from the little fender bender Steve got into. The estimator came out and gave us a quote for 570 bucks. I thought that low. They gave us a mini van for a week! I was soooooooooo in heaven. No having to climb into the back of a two door car just to get the kids buckled in. But we had to give it back yesterday :( My mom asked how we liked having our car back yesterday and Steve and I answered at the same time. But his answer was he loves it and mine was I hate it...lol. Seriously I hate our car. It kills my back just putting the kids in there and it is such a pain in the ass. When I have the car I avoid going places because I don't want to have to put them in the car.
Okay enough complaining, I'm off to catch some zzz's.

On a mission

Okay I'm on a mission to have an entirely clean house! Lets see last night I did the dishes, cleaned the whole kitchen, cleaned our two bathrooms, emptied the last three boxes, took the trash out, cleaned the kids room and started a load of laundry. I think that's it.
Today my mission is to finish as much of the laundry as I can, put away the remaining kids toys that are in the living room and then vacuum the house and the wha la, my mission will be accomplished. I got music going and I'm ready to go! Yay me :)

----------------
Now playing: HIM - Join Me In Death
via FoxyTunes

Not myself

I can't talk about it but I just had to say out loud that that the only thing that is keeping me going right now is my three babies and my husband. Without them I don't know, well I just don't know anymore.

Tagged: Sixth of the Sixth

I've been tagged for the first time (at least that I know of...lol)by Amanda

I went into my thousands of pictures and picked the 6th month of 2008 and the 6th picture in that album.

In this picture is my baby Shawn only a week old here and Samantha 18 months old. She was in awe of her new little brother and had to know everything that was going on, including our little photo session.

Now it's my turn to pass the torch too...

Jen

Christine

Lazy

Today is a total lazy day. We have all been in our pj's all day. Why bother getting dressed when it's butt ass cold outside and were not going anywhere...lol
On a sucky note, with this cold dry weather Sam's skin is flaring up. Poor thing is so itchy. And it's weird her hair is like flat, very little curl to it. I don't get it.
Okay yeah I have nothing interesting to talk about right now. I'm tired and I'm brain farting big time right now.

I'm back

Ok I think I've been gone long enough. Things are going okay over here.
Jr is same same, loving soccer. They have won one game so far but it's okay because they are all having such a fun time just being out there playing.
Samantha is also doing good. My little tornado. She loves to get into things and tear it apart. She has mastered the word uh uh, her version of no. She also recently has started telling me when she goes poop so I'm hoping that's one step closer to potty training!
Shawn is doing great. Growing like a weed. He is four months now and 18 lb 1 oz and 26 3/4 inches long. My big boy! We've been having sleep issues but nothing I haven't dealt with before. Just wish I could get a good nights sleep instead of being up every single hour like clock work :( He is also loving sitting in the boppy. He looks like such a big boy sitting there it's so flipping cute.
Steve and I are doing good. Nothing new to report with me. I'm boring. Steve on the other hand submitted some of his pictures from the airshow onto an airshow website and the team of the airplane he took pics of found them and want to use them I believe for their site. I am very proud of him.
Um I think that's about all that's been going on here. Oh were going to the pumpkin patch this week. I can't wait. It's the same one I used to go to when I was a kid. Jr has been there once but this will be Sam's and Shawn's first time.

Win a free Mei Tai!

All you have to do is answer the question, and post the link to the drawing in as many places as you can/want. You get one free entry for every place you post the link. All entries must be submitted by midnight on October 3rd.
:)

Win a Uppy
Me Mama Contoured Mei Tai Baby Carrier with a one year warranty.

Um...yeah

I don't know that I'm going to be posting for a bit. I'm not feeling up to par lately and just not in the mood to talk or be happy. I haven't even been taking pictures and that's well just odd for me.

Bored

Well nothing new to report over here. Things have for once been rather boring. I got my new steam cleaner from my mom that was supposed to be my birthday present but Samantha decided to smear pooh on the floor. It's nice and cleans out the dirt from the carpet pretty well but not the stains. I need to get some spot spray and hopefully that helps. If not I might be taking it back which I really don't want to do.
I bought Samantha's Halloween outfit today. I'm so excited to see her in it. I'm going to try to get to the Halloween store and pick up Jr's and then to the mall for Shawn's unless I find something better there. I can't believe my little baby will be two and Jr will be five! Where the heck has all the time gone.

Friday Five

Five things I am gratefull for

1. My husband-he is my rock, the love of my life
2. My children-they remind me that everyday is wonderful and to cherish it with them
3. My family-they help keep me smiling
4. My friends-they are here for me when I need then and visa versa
5. To be alive-so I can cherish all these things I just listed

Train Collision 09/12/08

I'm sure many of you heard about the train accident that happened yesterday in the Chatsworth Park area. It is so devastating to see something like this happen and to know it was from human error makes it worse. My dads secretary's daughters fiance was on that train. We all prayed from the moment we heard that he was okay. We sadly got news last night that they found his body in the first train. He was only 18 years old. I didn't know this kid but I cried. It just broke my heart. This poor kid is never going to be able to marry the girl he loves and raise a family with her and his family wont be able to watch him grow into a man. He was ripped from this world to early. Please keep his family and his fiances family in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you everyone.

Here is a link to the story they published in the local paper today http://avpress.com/n/14/0914_s1.hts

Sickies!

They have hit my household full force! First it was me with a sore throat then Steve got it and turns out he has strep throat then Sam started running a temp, went up to 102.8 today and I think she has strep also and I have a pounding headache and have been getting NO sleep. I hope Shawn isn't getting sick cause he isn't sleeping. Only one still normal is Jr. Sickies leave my house!!!!!

Mil is here

I am so happy to report that when my mil walked in the door the kids went right to her with open arms! I was really surprised of Samantha because she normally isn't like and I know that made my mil's day. She went to Jr's soccer practice with Steve while I stayed home with Samantha and Shawn. And I'm excited Jr's first game is this Saturday. Kind of wish it wasn't at 8:00 am. But I can't wait to see my little guy playing, it's going to be so cute!

So much to do...

And so freaking little time! I have to bust ass, and I mean some serious busting ass today and clean. I haven't been in the mood to clean the past two days. I get tired of doing the same thing over and over and over everyday and it never staying nice for longer then five minutes. So I went on a mini strike. So now it looks like a tornado hit my home.
Lets see, what do I need to do.
1. Dishes
2. Vacuum
3. Laundry, omg so much freaking laundry
4. Figure out what to do with my last three boxes!
5. Clean of computer desk
6. Sort mail, make files for bills and file them away
7. Mop the kitchen floor again
8. Oh yeah got to shower some time today
I hope that's it. I'm probably forgetting something, I tend to do that. Oh and tomorrow is going to be a crazy day. Shawn has his newborn screening appointment at 10am, then I need to take him for the blood screening after that, then run over and apply for a social security card for him. Oh and mil is coming somewhere in between all this so Steve is going to have to drop me off because our car wont hold one more person. Ah, crazy world I call my life. Okay I better get started on my to do list.

----------------
Now playing: HIM - Vampire Heart
via FoxyTunes

My husband

The happiest day of my life is when I became your wife

We have had our rough times, heck what marriage doesn't but I love him. He is my world. I don't know what I would do without him. We had a long talk today and opened up to each other and realized some things we could do to improve ourselves and I am excited to take this next step in our lives. As many of you my friends we are under A LOT of stress right now and I know that can take a toll on us but I think in a way it is helping bring us closer and stronger. I love that we can hash it out and at the end of it still love each other as much as we did before, if not more. We have always been like that and value that so much about our relationship. We are not the traditional husband and wife, we don't do things as everyone else always would but being different makes us special :)
Ok, done spilling my guts about how much I am in love with my husband. Off to bed.

Here I am

I'm here and I'm square...lol. Not really. But I'm trying to get back into blogging more often. I have been in a funk lately and there's so many things on my mind but I just can't open up with the world and tell it. It's way to personal.
So anyways, moving on. My mother in-law will be coming to visit us on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it and not looking forward to it at the same time. I love her but she can be a downer a lot. I'm not going to let her get me or Steve down though. I hope the kids aren't scared/shy around her. Sometimes, well especially with Samantha, they can take a little bit to warm up to people and since it's been what I think over a year since they've seen her it might be hard for them. If it is I do not want to hear it from her. This is where she is a downer. She will get upset that they don't like her but what does she expect. She never comes out to see them. She has a hell of a lot easier time coming out to see us then us traveling with three kids and hoping Steve has a day off.
Ok I don't want to talk about that subject again. Moving onto happier things. Samantha is a little fireball. I swear if I get grey hair it's her fault...lol. She is such a mischievous little bugger. She went into their room to I thought play and this is how I found her.
While we were at my parents she was "fishing" and the little bugger wouldn't stay away from the edge of the pool. She was scaring the crap out of me.
Oh and I can see into the future....lol. Here's a pic of my LITTLE girl walking in her aunties stiletto heels.

Shawn is three months

I can't believe my little man is three months old already! Where has the time gone, obviously way to fast gosh dangit. I tell him all the time to stop growing up so fast, it's just not fair. And the fact that he is a HUGE baby doesn't help. HE weighs 18 lbs and is 26.5 inches tall. Jr weighed 18 lbs at one year old! And he only weighs 5 lbs less then Samantha.
He is a wonderful baby, happy as can be and just the best addition to complete our family. I couldn't have asked for anything better. His big brother and sister LOVE holding him and making him laugh. And I love watching it. It's so heart warming to see my kids play together.

At a loss

I think this is the most upset, depressed, down, whatever you want to call it, that I've been in years. I don't want to talk about it though.
On a side note Jr is staying at the fair with my mom and sister. He loves spending time with my family, doesn't matter where they are just that he's with them.

I don't get it

Just when I start feeling like things might be looking up I get hit with a ton of shit. In this case it's bills. Our electric bill because we had the old house also is 745 bucks.! Our gas bill is 300 also because of the old house. Oh and I got an explanation of benefits from our old insurance company for Shawn's hospital stay, that was 50 THOUSAND dollars. I am so scared to see what the actual bill is from our new insurance company since it's a PPO. So much for things looking up. I don't know how were expected to make a living for our children when were being raped by medicals bills and just bills in general.
I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh okay done venting, I might go cry now.

Saturday

Let's see what do I need to do today.

1. Laundry
2. Vacuum
3. Make the kids beds back up since I washed their sheets
4. Unpack some more boxes
5. Go with Steve to clean my parents pool
6. Maybe see if the kids and I can go to the fair to see my sister, scratch that were going tomorrow
7. Oh yeah, shower....lol

I think that's about it. I really should get off my butt and go do it huh. Maybe while Steve is cleaning the pool I'll take Shawn and go for a walk around the block. Hope everyone is havign a great weekend.

Hmmmm

So every school or daycare that I've looked into about possibly working there as some type of assistant wants at least 12 ce credits. I've always wanted to be a teacher but have put my wants aside. I'm also realistic and now that with three kids and no one to watch them it's not really something I can do. But I'm thinking that maybe I can do it part time online. Just a thought, not jumping into anything because I can't financially right now but now that the possibility is there I might look into it later.
On a side note. I started getting chest pains again today. It better not be because I went walking. But let me tell you pushing a 4.5 yr old and a 1.5 yr old in a double stroller is hard and then carrying Shawn in my carrier. I had a good work out with that even though it was a short walk. I have a feeling it has to do with my weight. When i get heavy I start getting chest pains and well I'm slowly gaining weight. I hate my body. Why can't I just stay at the weight after I have a baby and not gain only loose. Every time I pop a kid out I do GREAT and loosing all the baby weight but after about two months it always creeps back up. I hate my body. I am so scared of ending up obese. But man I have no motivation to get off my ass and do anything about it. I just let it get to me and get me down and that's it. Ugh I make myself sick sometimes.
Okay done with the pitty party. I think it's bed time now.

Happy 21 months Sam!

Happy 21 months Samantha!

She is just the best little girl I could have ever asked for, Yes the girl gives me a freaking heart attack every day because she is such a mischievous little thing but I love her to death. She is so sweet and loves her brothers and Daddy and she still is a mommy's girl :) So I just had to come on here and tell her Happy 21 months baby girl! Can't beleive she's almost TWO!

Jr's First Soccer Practice

Today at 4 Jr had his first soccer practice. It was a mad dash before hand to get a ball, shin guards and cleats. Yes, bad mommy waited until the last minute to get his supplies. Well I didn't get a call from the coach until Monday so I really didn't have that much since I didn't have a car. Any ways. three stores later we got all the stuff he needed :) He was soooooo CUTE at practice. When the coach would ask a question all the kids would raise their hands and Jr would look around and raise his too even though he had no clue what the coach was talking about. He ran and ran and ran it was awesome, and the boy still is full of energy! Each of the kids told the coach what they thought their team name should be and then he picked from a bag. So Jr's team name is Soccer Monsters....lol I am in charge of the banner, I have to say I'm proud of myself for volunteering to help. I'm trying to get myself out there a bit more. Here are a couple pictures from his practice today!

Stretch!

Go Jr!

Hi fives



All done, going home

Bored

Here I sit, 11:38 pm all the kids are asleep and I am wide awake and bored. What should I do....hmmm. I already did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I can't vacuum cause I don't want to wake anyone up. I have four boxes sitting here that need to be collapsed and taken out to the trash but I'll leave that for Steve. I am going to go shower in a little bit so I can get the smell of spit up off me. Actually Shawn's reflux has been much better lately. Don't know why but I'm not complaining.
Oh little bit of an update on the drama in my life. I got a notice in the mail today that we have to go back to court on the 25th at 8:30 am so I'm assuming we will be there all day again like last time which sucks big monkey balls. This time I am making sure Steve will be there even though the freaking notice is in my name. Same as last time but I don't want the judge to talk shit to me again. And now Steve has to take a day off of work for this shit. This is bs you know that! Ugh
Okay enough of that crap. The kids are doing great. Jr and Sam are always full of energy and are great little kiddos. Shawn is just adorable and such a good baby. He did have a little bit of a rough time napping cause Sam kept waking him up ;( but he's asleep now, well actually has been for a while. He wont be getting up until around 3am, hopefully.
Okay enough random chatter, I'm off to shower.

Here's a couple pics of my babies




Jr man during a bath

My little Shirley Temple

Here's our little man fast asleep sucking on two of his fingers

Saturday

Here we are, Saturday, Steve's last day off before he goes back to work and I am completely bored! He was gone most of the day yesterday helping his cousin move and Thursday, well isn't that sad I can't remember that far back! I remember what we had for dinner but not during the day. I made Amanda's Baked Chicken recipe and it was so good. Can't wait to make it again.
See I did it again. I started writing this at 9am this morning and here I sit, 10:40 pm finishing it. Hey at least I remembered ;)
We went over to my parents today so Steve could clean their pool and we could spend time with them. As always we had a good time. Dinner was yummy, bbq chicken with baked beans and broccoli. But my poor little Samantha. She has been running a low grade fever all day. 100.2 is what it stayed at but while we were at my parents I could feel she was a little warmer. Not much but she was at 101. So I gave her some tylenol and put her down to bed. You could tell she wasn't feeling well today. She was mommy attached and had tired eyes all day. I feel so sad for my babies when they're sick but I love all the cuddle time I get with them. Hopefully she will be feeling better tomorrow.
Jr is staying the night at my parents. He LOVES staying there. He's like a kid in a candy store when you tell him he's staying there. He gets so happy. I love that he is so close with my parents. The boy is pure energy and he has a chance to run off some of that energy over there that he can't here since we don't have a yard.
Shawn is just the happiest little man. When we first got to my parents I went into the kitchen to get the chicken marinating since my mom wasn't home and for a good two minutes he just sat there farting and smiling. It was so funny. You can already see his little personality shining through. He loves watching Sam and Jr play and just seeing them makes them happy. I LOVE it.
I never thought I would say I'm happy we wont be having any more babies but I am finally at peace with it now. I am so in love with my family. They are perfect. Everything about them is amazing to me. Our family of five is complete and now we get to sit back and enjoy our lives as a family.

Shawn's Birth Story

Okay so I know he was born almost three months ago, but hey better late then never right ;)

Shawn Matthew Dieli's Birth Story

I woke up on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 7:08 a.m. and immediately started feeling contractions. I sat down at the computer and started timing them. Surprisingly they were all at 3 minutes apart. There were a couple that were 5 minutes apart and then they were back to 3 minutes and 2 minutes apart. I was in denial for the first half hour that it could be real labor. I had woken up that morning with the intention of getting all my last minute stuff done before the baby. But he had other plans. My friend Gena finally convinced me that I should call my midwife and this was more then likely real labor! I contacted my midwife around 8:00 and she was like your not in labor are you? I laughed and said actually I believe I am. So she said okay I will drop my kids off and grab my stuff and be on my way. She was coming from Whittier which is an hour and a half away so she rushed to get here. As soon as I hung up with her I called Steve and told him I think that he needed to come home. So he also left right then. I then called my mom and told her I needed her here to help me so she went and got my sister from school and came over. I had taken a shower to help me through the contractions and brought the kids in with me. By the time my mom got here at 9:10 a.m. I was bent over the side of my bed breathing through the contractions and the kids were still playing in the shower. My sister helped me with the kids and Laura had called my mom asking her to go buy some last minute supplies for the birth. So she left and it was just me, the kids and my sister. My sister made them breakfast and kept them busy which I am very grateful for.

By the time my mom got back which was around 9:45-10:00 it was a mad rush. They lined the bed with a shower curtain and lots of towels and then put one on the floor also in case I wanted to move.I "quickly" got onto the bed in all fours position with a pillow under my arms. Steve walked in a couple minutes later. I was so happy he was finally home. He came over and held my hand the whole time. I told my mom I feel like I need to push because I was having pressure in my lower butt area. She then picked up the phone and called Laura and was like what do I do. I found it kind of funny she called Laura and not Christy but my mom had never talked to Christy so it made sense. She said it might help to put pressure on the sides of my hips, HOLY CRAP that did not help. Steve was like no no she does not like that.
About 5 minutes later Christy came running in. She quickly got gloves, grabbed her jar of olive oil, rubbed it on me and said okay whenever your ready Shana. I never thought that I would be a screamer, but man oh man did I scream. Christy told me that the screaming doesn't help because it makes me tighten which pushes the baby back in.

Soooooo I tried my hardest to grunt/breath instead of screaming. I think I did pretty well, at least they told me I was. Finally after about 3-4 pushes the head was out. Christy said hello to the baby and giggled and said she always loves this part because it's their first look at the new world. Everyone was like someone take a pic and my sister Tia was the only one right there with a camera and she was very hesitant (she is 17) so I said told her "Just take the fucking picture Tia". But I wasn't yelling it or being mean. I actually sounded quite calm. Everyone got a good laugh out of that one. Two more pushes and we had a baby at 10:31 a.m.! He 8 lbs. 8 oz. and 21 1/4 inches long and just absolutely beautiful. Jr was the one to announce that it was a boy :) I was so excited and I KNEW it was a boy! Steve was in shock. He was totally convinced we were going to have a girl...hehe

It was an absolutely amazing birth experience. I enjoyed doing it all natural and being in my home, my own element. It was very comfortable and no one was telling me what to do or how to do it. It was all up to me. Example, when Christy said okay I'm ready Steve asked does she push now and her reply was whenever Shana feels the need to. She is in control here, it's her body and she will know what to do when the time is right. And I love her look on birth. In a hospital it's the Dr who delivers your baby but that's not how she see's it. It's the mother who delivered the baby, the Dr, midwife, whoever is there to assist but the mom did all the work.
So that was how our beautiful bouncing baby boy was born!

hehe

I can't go into details but hehe, fun fun fun. And damn I am wide awake, don't think I'll be going to sleep any time soon.

Hello.....

Is there anybody in there??? Sorry Pink Flloyd reference. Here I sit, 1:19 am and wide awake. I decided to treat myself and have a little drink. One once in a while can't hurt right??? I realized today, yes it took me 26 years years, that I am too hard on myself. I can't help it. It's who I am BUT I am going to try and change that. I need to work my ass out and get some better self esteem and not beat myself up over every little thing that doesn't go right in my life. I feel as though it's all my fault even though I know it's not.
Random thought, I love my family more then anything. I would do or give up anything for them. They are my world. I am so blessed to have three healthy and beautiful children and an amazing husband that asks me to open up and vent to him. He listens to me and cares and he will just hold me when I want to be held. I am so glad I have him, he is my rock and I love him so much.
Okay I think that's enough random ramblings for tonight. I'm sure I could go on but I don't know if you want to know everything ;)

In a funk

I just can't seem to get out of this. It's better then before. I can actually eat although I did have to force myself to eat breakfast. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm never down like this, especially for this long. I got a wonderful slap in the face yesterday. I had a guy comment that I have another kid on the way. Gee talk about a self esteem booster huh :( I know I shouldn't take shit like that to heart but I do. It hurts me. I'm already very unhappy with my body and then just makes it ten times worse.
ugh, I can't even finish writing this

----------------
Now playing: Lacuna Coil - 1.19
via FoxyTunes

What a waste

Today was a complete and total waste of my time. I was at court bright and early at 7:45 am. At 11:30 they came out and said they wont be able to see us and to come back at 1:30 so in other words, Lunch break. Come back at 1:30 and I don't get called back until 3:30! I'm so thankful that my mom was there and offered to take Sam and Jr home with her while Shawn and I stayed and waited. I finally get in and the judge is like who are you, where is Steve. I'm like I am his wife, it's my name that appears on the motion that was scheduled for court. In a matter of two minutes he managed to make me feel like a tiny little mouse. He made me feel stupid and totally depressed that no matter what he was going to deny my motion. He said plain and simple we make "too much money" according to their guidelines. BTW we only make about 350 more then their guidelines and imo their guidelines are shit. It's so hard to make due here in California and especially for a family of five with two in diapers.
I walked out of the courtroom and just burst into tears. I had such high hopes that I would walk in and they would dismiss it based on what a load of shit this whole thing is or they would say oh your case was already dismissed. So now we wait for a hearing date. Honestly I don't get it. We have so many things on our side but I couldn't even get a word in with the judge to discuss it. But then again I don't think it was the time to bring it up. I'm just worried what is going to happen since I can't afford to pay them the 200 fee that we now owe for filing a response, and possibly an extra 200 since we had to file separately. I would go into a rampage right now on how much I despise Ian but I will spare any readers.

Court

Just a little update. I have to go to court tomorrow morning. This is for the fee waiver I filed because well I just can't afford $200 to file a response for both Steve and I. Shit I can't even afford the one fee. Anyways so that is why I will be at court tomorrow. Please if anyone reads this can you keep me in your thoughts for a positive outcome. I'm hoping and praying the case was dismissed because we no longer live in the residence and then I wont have to pay the fees and if that's the case I want to see if they will do a motion to reverse the decision on Steve's application because they denied it :( So that is best case scenario.
I'm very nervous. I've never been to court before and this is very emotional for me because this is Ian who is doing this to me and my family. So yeah again if anyone reads this would you please keep me in your thoughts. I'll update when I get home tomorrow.

Sad

I don't know what's wrong with me. It started yesterday. I feel depressed but without all the signs. I'm kind of bummed throughout the day and I have completely lost my appetite. I haven't eaten but a couple chips and cantaloupe since Friday night. All I want is Steve to hold me. Nothing else. I want a break from screaming and crying kids and to just be held by Steve. When I'm in his arms I feel safe and like nothing can go wrong. He;s my rock always has been and always will be. Last night he said I was following him around like a little puppy dog and I was. I don't think I've ever felt this way before and I know I'm not explaining it all right or all of how I feel. I can't really put it into words. Not sure why.
Okay well I doubt any of this post made any sense so I'm going to go get ready for my day.

Our new home

We are here. We were moving in the house until the wee hours of the morning. When Steve and I finally crawled into bed it was after 4 am and between Samantha and Jr waking up and then Shawn at 5:30 neither of us actually managed to fall asleep. So I am running off of zero. Steve just went and dropped the trailer off and it now taking a nap.

Okay I didn't get to finish this entry. See what happens when you get no sleep. You forget everything. Now it's August 2nd and we are settling in nicely to our new home. We aren't having any sleeping issues with Jr. Can you say hallelujah! We've had sleeping issues with him since he was a year old. I'm so happy he will now go to bed with just us saying good night to him. No fighting or screaming, it's awesome. Sam also is doing great going to bed here and well of course Shawn has no problems. We ended up storing a bunch f our stuff at my parents because, well I'm a pack rat and downsizing to this place there was just no room for it. Eventually we will go through all of it and trash what we don't need. This is a short entry because we are actually on our way out the door to go to my parents house. We've been spending a lot of time over there again. The kids love it there. Here's a couple more recent pictures of my babies.

The day has come

Today is moving day! Happy joy. I am so happy to be out of this house but hate that we are moving once again. I hate moving. I do EVERYTHING! Even now with three kids I am the only one who has packed in this house. btw I find this extremely unfair. Steve's dad is coming out today to help and I hate that he is coming here and the house is a disaster and not completely packed up. I have done a good job and it is for the most part done but not completely. It's hard packing a whole house by yourself along with three kids, one of them who is nursing and has had bad gas a lot this week. I guess Steve's cousin is also coming out later to help but that's not until late afternoon. As we speak my moms car is loaded to the brim with stuff to be brought over to the house, Steve said he would do it and he didn't. If I go do it I can only bring Shawn because I have stuff loaded on the other kids carseats and Steve is still asleep so I can't do anything right now. Ugh, I'm frustrated already.
Okay off to go finish packing the house and start this move.

A new day, another tantrum

Jr was beyond cranky all day yesterday. I was really hoping after all the talking we did with him that it would be a better day. Well here were are 1pm and he is in his room crying and saying I hate this, I hate that. I am making him take a nap hoping that will help with his moodiness. He also has a horrible habit of hitting himself in the head. I HATE that he does it. He doesn't do it softly either, that's another thing I don't know how to break him of. I think he gets that part of his temper from his father. I sure as hell have never done anything like that.
I forgot to write about Shawn's appointment yesterday. It went good. She retied the skin tag, she said she did it differently hoping it would stay on. Well I changed his diaper and it was off this morning so now we just have to wait for him to grow older and keep our fingers crossed that the tag eventually goes away. I'm not happy about that but I have no other choice now. Oh and the Dr was shocked that his old ped didn't have a newborn screening done. I told her I asked him for it and he said it wasn't necessary so we have to get the blood work done today, not looking forward to that and we are waiting to hear back from our insurance and the hearing test.

Okay enough rambling. I have a million things to do today and no time to do any of it!

Wow

Okay, so I am lame. I did one post and completely forgot about this place. UPDATE! Baby number three is here. We had a boy, Shawn Matthew :) He is just the perfect little man. He was born 05/30/08, weighing in at 8lb 8oz (my biggest!) and was 21 1/4 inches long. I had him at home, it was the most wonderful experience being in my own comfortable surroundings. If we were having more kids I would totally do it again. When Shawn was 3 weeks old we found out he had Pyloric Stenosis. It's the pyloris valve which leads to the intestines was closed therefore he wasn't able to keep anything down and wasn't gaining weight. He had surgery on June 22nd to correct it and the surgery was a success. He has reflux now so were still dealing with the spitting up but I can handle that just no more surgeries. Jr is being your typical four year old. Full of energy and spirit, loves to argue and doesn't listen to mommy. He is the greatest big brother though to both the younger two kids. Samantha is is too funny. She has just started walking full time, yes I did say just. She became a full time walker at 19 months....lol. I knew my silly girl was on her own schedule. She loves playing mommy to baby Shawn. She tries to change his diapers and gives him kisses and hugs all day long and when he's crying she comes over and tries to get him to calm down, it's so freakign cute. And she is totally a little princess and daddy's girl. Steve and I are doing good. Dealing with what life throws us. Were actually moving this weekend. Yes I know again. We are staying at this new place for at least a year though. I wont go into all the details of why were moving but I will say Ian is no longer someone we ever want to deal with again. Um well I think that's a long enough update. I will try and remember to update more often then every 6 months....lol

Here are a few pics of my babies

Expecting Dieli #5

Steve and I got a happy shock on October 11th. We are expecting again! Yup this will be Dieli family member 5. Yes at first we were worried, being so close to Sam and totally unexpected but we are very excited and can't wait to meet this new little one. Since this will be our last baby I have decided not to find out the sex. I want to have that surprise right when it's born of finding out what it is. Steve really wants to know but I am not caving! I'll be posting u/s pics and appointment updates as they happen so check back :)